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Fellas, taking an “L” is ok. But don’t you dare ask for help.

Let’s celebrate! More and more each day, Black men including myself, are admitting when they make mistakes. They are willing to take an “L” — a loss, fail, come up short.  Whether it is on the job, in family life or in relationships, Black men face their failure and owning up to it.  This is definitely progress, and we still have a ways to go.

We/I still very rarely ask for help, even when the stakes are at their highest. On a recent episode of The Pivot, Taylor Lewan, the highest paid offensive linemen on the Tennessee Titans, joined the hosts to talk football, the playoffs and about life. Taylor, fresh off a season ending playoff loss, shared openly about his subpar performance during that game.  Fred Taylor, one of the hosts asked him, “why didn’t you ask for help?”. The room burst with energy and amidst the noise Taylor Lewan replied, “they paying me, I have a job to do.” Taylor felt that because of his leadership status on the team and his paycheck, he wouldn’t dare ask for help. On the largest stage and the biggest moment of his football career, Taylor refused to ask for help.


I reflected on this in a recent episode of m podcast. I also share:

  • What we all can learn from Taylor’s open response
  • The conditions that must be present for men to ask for help; and 
  • The work I doing personally to get better at asking for help and assisting Black men educators with doing the same.



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